People are insane on this product review of a banana slicer
oh my fucking god
OH MY GOD I REBLOGGED THIS BEFORE I READ THE COMMENTS AND
I CAN’T BREATHE
[image: an underwater shot of two sharks that appear to be eyeing a lionfish.]
To eat, or not to eat, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the stomach to suffer the slings and arrows of hunger, or to take mouths and by digesting end them.
To bloat, to eat, no more, and by eating we say we end the stomach ache and the thousand natural pangs that digestive systems are ere to. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.
To bloat, to eat, to eat. Perchance to fulfill? Ay, there’s the rub. For in that meal of nourishment what fulfillment may come must give us pause. There’s the respect that makes calamity of so long bulimia.
For who would bear the hunger and malnutrition of time? The food corporation’s wickedness, the proud anorexic’s contumely, the pangs of despis’d hunger, the law’s delay, and the spurns that a good appetite by the unworthy takes when you yourself your acquaintance could make with a perfectly good stingray.
Who would fardels bear to suffer under the veil of famine, but that the dread of something after the meal, the undiscovered course from whose satiation no feeder returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather eat those fish we have, than swim to others that might not taste as good.
Thus conscience doth make dolphins of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution to feed is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought. And meals of great pith and moment with this regard, their ocean currents turn awry and lose the name of action.
Thus conscience doth make dolphins of us all
I see no way this could ever go wrong.
Notorious organized crime gang caught in action
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.
LSD: i must dive into the center, into the center the abyss to paradise each thread is another me in another universe and we all go to a central goal into the darkness thats a rainbow the threads speak to me we all go toward the center if i go sideways i will DIE. can’t go sideways. musn’t go sideways i will only go through the center. ok… good… through the center and all is well… ::inhales::… ::exhales::
(3 hours later in the center of spiderweb) ::stares blankly into the void::
MESCALINE: dude idk. i mean life is just so beautiful you know .. nature is as precise as this web i’m making and i am but one strand.. … oh my god.. OH MY GOD.. ::forgets about building web and cries after witnessing a double rainbow::
HASH: dude… i am so focused right now. don’t bother me dawg i’m buildin this web it’s gotta be perfect. fuck. im hungry. hey yo is that a fly?
CAFFEINE: WEB! web! WEB! web! WEB! WEB! webweb! WEB! WEB! WEBB! WEB WEB WEB WEB! WEB! WEB WEB WEB WEB! WEB! WEB WEB! WEB! WEB!
This just got better.
Double rainbow all the way.
i foUND A VIDEO
OH MY GOD THE VIDEO. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.
This cat knows how to relax
this was a hint in my geometry textbook
somewhere there is a mathematician whose entire life has led up to this joke
this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times
I don’t care, fuck you
as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath.
all of this made him
a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
oh my god